No More Artie Profile

Pavement

This new Brighten the Corners: Nicene Creedence Edition might be the best of the reissues. This Space Ghost Pavement clip is also pretty great.

Top Ten Questions I would have asked at the Big Foot conference.

1. What does the bigfoot taste like? (They were rednecks. You know they barbecued it)
2. Is there a Mrs. Bigfoot?
3. Can the boy tell time?
4. Do you have any plans to feed it after midnight, or get it wet with water?
5. Do you think that making a rug out of the carcass would be more or less expensive than one of those big bear rugs?
6. If the bigfoot were alive, do you believe it would let me ride it?
7. Are the feet actually big enough to warrant calling it a bigfoot?
8. Is this room where the Star Wars convention is?
9. Do you think that Alf committed suicide because of this?
10. Can I see it? Can he see it? What about her, why don't you let her see it? Well can I poke it with a stick? Could I have some if its fur then? Can I see it now?

Your momma's so....

1. Your momma's so dumb she bought a chia pet, but instead of planting seeds on it's back, she just punched holes in the box.

2. Your momma's so fat she couldn't hula hoop the equator.

3. Your momma's so poor even her sea monkeys are on welfare.

4. Your momma's so dirty, in an effort to "go green", she started reusing condoms.

5. Your momma's so ugly she out-grossed Saw IV at the box office.

Beasts of boredom

Ten reasons not having a boss is great!

So, it's been a while. I don't feel like explaining the abscense. What I do feel like explaining is that my boss retired and I won't have a new boss until August. Here are ten reasons why suddenly not having a boss is wonderful.


1. I can fart in my office without having to worry that my boss is going to walk in at any second (which we both constantly did).
2. I ordered a fancy Swingline stapler (no, not a red one) and didn't have to get it approved!
3. I have free reign over my use of unusual (and often incorrect) punctuation marks in all of the Thank You letters that I mail to our donors.
4. The word "late", in reference to what time I show up for work, stopped existing.
5. I get to read all of the old boss's mail!
6. All of the files that I don't use, don't like, or am confused by found a new home in the old boss's empty office.
7. Speaking of the old boss's empty office..it has also become the hiding place for all of my snacks. Hotcha!
8. My to-do list went from over one hundred items all the way down to a big fat zero. Z-z-z-z-z zeroooo!
9. When I pretend to be the boss, there is no one prove me wrong.
10. Our supply orders now contain 30% more snacks. Snacks!

Meeting gone wrong

Yesterday I attended a luncheon at a weekly Rotary meeting. The meeting was held by the local Rotary club that sponsors my Rotaract (Rotary for 18-30 year olds) club. As members of Rotaract, and part of the Rotary family, members of our club are always invited to attend the local Rotary club's meetings. This means free lunch! Five members from our club decided to attend the meeting and take advantage of the free lunch. It's always awkward at these things. They are overly stuffy, and attended by mostly older, white men in suits. It was less awkward for me than it was for my two female friends who I carpooled with. The older men always flock to them and bombard them with questions that they don't really want answers for. I'm not much help in these situations because I'm usually too busy filling my plate with rigatoni, pulled pork, stuffed salmon, caviar(?), mashed potatoes and German chocolate cake to care about saving a young woman from the uncomfortable gaze of a seventy year old investment banker.

After lunch there is the usual array of pageantry, prayer and Rotary goofiness followed by a guest speaker, typically someone attempting to raise money for either a homeless shelter or the construction of a multi billion dollar condominium complex. Yesterday's speaker was a middle-aged woman from London who spoke about the benefits of biodeisel. I was nearly comatose after eating the equivalent of three meals, and was paying more attention to how many people I would need to push out of my way in order to get to the bathroom. One guy at the table next to ours was leaning over to other people and saying things like "You believe this shit?". During the question and answer portion of the presentation this same guy, I call him Johnny Animated, asks a three part question. After the presenter responded, good old Johnny Animated shouts out "I ask you about A and B, and you answer with G and H!" He was pretty fired up, and got into a heated exchange of words

At about this time my two carpoolers and I had realized that the lunch was running long and it was time that we got back to work. We started sneaking out at the same time that J.A. jumped out of his chair, threw his arms in the air, grabbed his coat and stormed out of the room. We felt bad enough that we showed up for free lunch and had to leave before the presentation ended, but it wasn't half as embarrassing as realizing that it probably appeared that in an act of solidarity, we were standing up and leaving in protest of biodiesel and the lady from London.

I think it's safe to say that I'll be buying my lunches for a while.

What a weekend!

Eric got little Pete to be his friend! I really thought that would never happen. It makes me think that Danny Tamberelli has an "Artie complex", and that maybe some part of that confused brain of his thinks that Artie is a real person. My next challenge to Eric is too find actor Toby Huss and gain his friendship.

I also had an amazing weekend. I spent the weekend as a counselor at camp RYLA, and I got to meet eight of the coolest high school students Maryland has to offer. I'm still a little dazed and exhausted from the constant eating, never-ending chants, cabin pranks and the complete lack of discipline that I either witnessed or took part in over the weekend. I should have a good post coming soon (I'm thinking top ten list), because I've got a whole dining hall's worth of them.

Pipe!

LITTLE PETE ACCEPTED ARTIE AS HIS MYSPACE FRIEND! If you don't believe me, click here. I never thought this would happen. There was no way this could happened. I feel bad about calling him an asshole now. My brother was right on, when after I told him he accepted the friendship, he said I was hoping he wouldn't add Artie, because that would make him the asshole and not me. Now I don't know what to do. I assumed he wouldn't ever accept Artie as a friend and I would send him messages until he either responded with something that I could post or until I got tired of him ignoring me. Now if I post a comment, I am the asshole. Right? I don't know. I am just happy that he has a sense of humor about it.

Little Pete Update

Little Pete logged into his myspace on Valentine's Day. It looks like nobody left him a Valentine's Comment. Poor Little Pete. Anyway, he finally read the message I sent him, but hasn't responded. Artie's friendship is also still awaiting approval. Maybe I'll ask him what's up next week.

Really? I Had No Trouble Finding Images that Represent Your Expectations

Six Day Weekend, but not really.

Good morning, everyone. Today is Thursday, and I'm not at work. That means that I had time to find what I'm hoping will be my new pet. This weekend I will be a camp counselor at a youth, leadership camp. I tried for half an hour to find humorous pictures that represented my expectations, but there were none. Sorry for the lame ass post.

Update

Little Pete checked his myspace yesterday, and Artie has not been added as a friend yet. I found I can send him a personal message without being his friend, hopefully this will persuade him to befriend Artie.
Subject : Pipe!
Body: Hello, my little viking! It is good to see that you are all grown up. I wish you would add me as a friend, for I am Artie! The Strongest Man...in the world!

I hope he doesn't call me a Blowhole!

The Beginning of My Quest to Leave the Best Myspace Comment

This morning my brother emailed this myspace profile to me. Is that really Little Pete? Yes it is. You can also find him here. Rumor has it, this guy is a huge asshole and really hates any mention of his days acting in one of the greatest shows ever. When my brother came across his band's page a few months ago, I decided I was going to bombard it with comments about little Pete. I guess I ended up thinking that was more time consuming than it was really worth, and forgot about the idea. I have more time than I need now, and this is his own personal profile, so that is even better.
I thought that it might be better to just leave one really great comment, instead of a bunch of annoying little ones. All I had a the time I went to leave the comment was "Hello, my little viking" a good start, I guess I thought I was just going to wing it from there, but it ended up not mattering anyway, because when I clicked to leave a comment, it said I had to be his friend.
I was going to originally leave the comment under the Water School myspace page, mainly because that is the only way I have access to myspace, but, even though that would be the easiest way to get an approved friendship, it wouldn't be the funniest. So I created this profile.
Pretty good start. I have since requested to be Little Pete's friend, all I can do now is wait for approval, and I guess start working on the contents of the greatest myspace comment.

All dried up

Sorry for the lack of new posts, but the new job takes it out of during the week, and the alcohol takes it out of me during the weekend. Did I say alcohol? I meant wind. It sure is windy this weekend, and there is nothing that will motivate you to stay in bed all weekend more than the sound of a tree beating against your window.

So, I'm excited about the start of the baseball season, not because I like baseball (because I really don't), but because I LOVE Fantasy Baseball. Actually, 2007 proved that I love all fantasy sports, even if I don't know the rules of the game. Go see how poorly my fantasy football and basketball teams did. It doesn't matter. What matters is that the team is a fantasy team, and it's MY team and MY fantasy. For some reason, I apparently fantasize about being in last place at things.

Anyhow, the point I was getting out was that my team name is The Ouchies, because that pretty much sums up my experience with baseball, both real and fantasy. In an attempt to find a suitable, corresponding photo to represent my team, I stumbled across some real gems.

Why you don't force you kid into being a cowboy. or Disappointed Father

This poor child's self esteem is ruined for life.

I bet that twenty years from now, they're still friends.

Just because it's still awesome.

So I stumbled upon that last picture, and after trying to dig around for a better one, I found some guy's website where he proposes that it was Falkor, and not airplanes, that flew into the twin towers. Some people.

Glad someone is still posting because I'm too busy with new job.

So that was weird, Eric. You are most like Harry Potter? I don't really think is true at all. Also, isn't it "where have all the cowboys gone?" I assume that they will also be back in the spring, or as they like to say, back in the saddle again. That's sort of funny if you sing it to the tune of "stuck in the middle with you", if that is even the name of the song I am thinking of. So that quiz said that I am most like Wesley Crusher from Star Trek: Next Gen., a character I have always despised for being a whiner, a wimp and just generally complaining too much. FUCK! I am like him. Go back to not posting anything, Eric.

Answers to ROCK's Greatest Questions

How many roads must a man walk down, before you call him a man?
42

Do you really want to hurt me?
Yes

Who Are You?
Harry Potter?

What's the Frequency, Kenneth?
440Hz

Where Have All the Flowers Gone?
Don't worry, they will be back in the spring.

Thanks

Thanks to our readers who helped create our last top ten list. We didn't quite make it to ten, but I'm not really one to criticize. Hopefully we will continue to get more support from you the next time we get lazy.

Top Ten pickup lines to use at the bar tonight

So I propose a new system of top ten lists. Hardly anyone leaves comments on our blog, so it always feels like it's just Eric and I on here. Today I am going to start off your top ten list, and I encourage our readers to complete it.

1. Why don't you come back to my place and I'll unveil my stimulus package.
2. I'm surprised they even let you in here. The smoking ban goes into effect today, but your still smoking....hot.
3. ....

Rock N Roll in the Monster Hole